Important Announcement: Vacation
I am not a machine.
You know that, of course. I didn’t enunciate that for you, but for my own sake. Sometimes I just have to enunciate this very sentence. Why? Because I often refer to myself as this robot dude, as a machine, because of how I’m wired and feel. It’s a bit of self-depreciating humor mixed with wishful thinking. It helps me generate some distance to my mood on any given day; helps me slip into the reviewer-persona and abstract feelings of joy or despair I might have on a given day. It helps me stay fair.
I am not a machine.
This is not this persona speaking. In many ways, 2019 has been one of the hardest years of my life; if my life hadn’t already seen its fair share of traumatizing catastrophes, it would probably have qualified as indubitably the hardest one so far. Beyond the escalation of my allergy-related issues, the death of my grandfather has struck me pretty hard. Harder than I care to admit to anyone, even to myself, and frankly, typing these sentences has been very, very hard for me. I try to be positive, and strangely, RPGs and reviewing in particular helps me a lot with that. They provide genuine joy to my life, and I hope that shows. However,
I am not a machine.
And yet, I only rarely work for less than 10 hours a day. Most of the time, it’s somewhere in the 12 to 16 hours vicinity; if you count design-work, reading RPG-books, taking notes, checking math, etc., it’s regularly in the latter frame. And RPGs, whether design or reviewing, to me, don’t often feel like work. And yet…
I am, alas, not a machine.
I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for quite a while, to the point where, whether as a combination of stress, the allergy meds or grief’s lingering effects, I’m often really physically and mentally exhausted, which is pretty uncommon for me. Perhaps because I’ve spent too much time alone, behind my screen, typing the days away. Not enough socializing. Not enough time in nature. I don’t know. Perhaps it’s like pretty much all of my friends keep telling me: “You simply need a vacation!” They might be right. It’s not something I usually experience. And yet, I often feel like I’m not doing enough. I am not saying that I am special or anything, and don’t get me wrong: I love what I’m doing. And yet…
…I am not a machine. No matter how I may want to be one, or at least, function like one, at least when it comes to doing what I love doing.
I’ve felt it for a couple of months, and announced it on my patreon back then. That I will need a change of scenery, a brief sequence of life…out there. With real people. Well, that time has come. Back in the day (has it been 3 years already?), my gramps made my first roadtrip in the US possible. He always told me to take the chances in life as they present themselves, and not wait to an old age to enjoy life. So I figured it’d be only fitting to honor him by doing another one; figured that he’d have approved of me using my tiny share of the inheritance from his passing that way.
So yeah, I’ll be coming to the US, finish seeing the West coast this time around, I’ll be driving up from San Francisco, over Seattle to Vancouver, hopefully seeing a lot of my friends. Perhaps you. I got myself a 21-day US SIM-card and will activate it once there, so if you have some time on your hands, tell me, and communication should (hopefully) work. 🙂
For the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking about how to handle reviews during the trip, and honestly, I can’t promise you any. The whole reason for the trip is to have some downtime, and I don’t know if I feel like it’d relax or stress me right now – it simply depends on the trip and how it goes. Sometimes, the process is almost Zen-like, while other times, I fall into this grind of expectations I have for myself. I try to think of it as me retraining some modes of thinking I’ve accumulated, over getting rid of exhaustion levels. Either way, after that, I should be better and hopefully have a slightly different feat-loadout. 😉
Either way, I’ll be reading a ton of RPG-material, but my goal right now is to return from the trip invigorated, with a lot read, fresh in my mind, and just itching to flow on to the page. I might post reviews during the trip. I might not. I’m genuinely not sure yet. However, I will definitely post a flood of them once I’m back. PF2, SFRPG, DCC, OSR, 5e, PF1, Witcher and more.
I will be back in Germany in the second week of October and reviews will commence then with a couple of gems. It is my ardent hope to see you around then.
Thank you for your patience, and see you perhaps on the road!