The Secrets of the Metadventurer
Wow, wow, wow…are you serious? This is the reviewer who is supposed to judge my magnificence? This odd, long-haired German goth/metalhead-sod? Really? Oh well. I’m in a good mood, so I’ll “help” you, okay endy? Great! So, my splendorous debut is 11 pages long, though 1 page is the front cover, 1 the editorial, 2 are advertisement and 1 page is the SRD, which means I get a full 6 pages…not that I’d need more to show how awesome I am, mind you…but still, gotta talk to my agent about that… *walks off*
Ehem, yeah, so this is a prioritized review and was moved up in my queue at the request of my patreons, before this strange guy rudely interrupted…oh damn, he’s coming back!
Hey, Chris…yeah, about those… WAIT. You there, endy! I said I’d do that for you, right? Right! So, what do I do – urgh…I hate repeating myself and I explained it in the book already…but, in a nut-shell:
I WIN PATHFINDER.
There, ’nuff said.
Urgh, you’re still reading. I can see you. So yeah, wanna know more? Gotcha. I am better and more awesome than all other classes, because I friggin’ know. I’m not some pseudo-smart wizard-sheeple…I know I’m a character in your game. Yeah, you heard me. I know I have 2+Int skills (really? come on!) and d8 HD and proficiency with simple weapons, light and medium armors. I have 3/4 BAB-progression. I also am good at Min/Maxing – bonus points for kicking off a discussion on the Stormwind Fallacy. When resting, I choose one good save (two good saves at 12th level) and the others are bad save.
Starting at 4th level, I can select two skills that are not knowledge (No, GM, I don’t care about the intricacies of your world!) and get max ranks for the day. At 8th level, I can also swap attributes and at 16th level I can swap 1/day saving throws, ability scores and bogus feats. I also am a master of optimizing flexibility: I can choose each day to gain arcane casting, divine casting, martial tricks or a crapton of skill. Oh yes, I’m that awesome.
Starting at 2nd level, I get a metagaming pool equal to 1/2 class level + 3. I can spend these as free actions to get skill bonuses, additional non-AoO-5-foot movements and even negate partial effects on successful saves. At 3rd level, I know what you know. No seriously, I can simply metagame what you know – d20+class level + Int-modifier and bam…you’re GM is pissed. Priceless, believe me.
At 5th level and every 6 thereafter, I get Bogus feats. I can change these whenever I rest. Why? Cause that is how I roll! Oh, and 6th level, I can spend metagaming points to alter the damage of my weapons. At 7th level, I am adept at making allies count as abettors for Betrayal feats…who needs these suckers, after all? Oh, and yeah, at 9th level I can Rules Lawyer game-mechanics 1/day and alter them by +2/-2 or +10%/-10%, twice that much at 19th level, +1 daily use every 5 levels above 9th.
At 10th level, I can change energy types or better pass through SR via metagaming. At 13th level, I can divert effects when I failed my save to allies – we all know we only have to do better than the other suckers, right? And guess what? I have read all those supplements – at 13th level, I can take a treasure and identify it…and determine which treasure it is, within GP-boundaries. I always get what I want, man. At 15th level, as long as you, the player, bring a third party book to the table, it’ll be game for me. I know. Awesome, right? Oh, guess what, at 18th level, I can metagame those stupid action economy limitations. But the most fun is 20th level – the ability’s called “Make the GM Cry” – extraordinary wish. Oh, and when I die, I immediately resurrect. Oh yeah. You know you want to see that in action, right? Thought so.
All right, so this reviewer-git doesn’t pay me enough for this, so blabla, nice artworks full color 2-column layout etc. Bookmarks are there as well.
So, I dictated the book to Wendall Roy and he seems to be able to write it – congrats, dude. No seriously, I couldn’t wait anymore. This game needs my awesomeness in it. It’s time that those prissy wizards and stuck-up paladins learn their place. This is where I come in, by the way. So do yourself a favor and get this book – we’ll have a lot of fun making your fellow players cry. And best of all – you can always just point to the fact that I’m not “overpowered.” Not our problem if the others just can’t play the game, right? Hate the game, not the player!
Ehem…how do you end these things? Oh yeah, I’m obviously 5 stars + seal of approval (Seriously? “Seal of approval”? Pretentious much? Man, reviewer-dude, you got some issues…) and totally inexpensive, so buy my awesome book!
Endzeitgeist Metadventurer out.